Connie Woodring

Birdfeeder Conversations

I can’t believe the owner of this place just moved our seeds again.
Well, it’s spring and they sit on the porch. They don’t want our seeds all over their floor and in their martinis.
They could at least buy us a new birdfeeder. This one is dilapidated, mainly because of the piggy fat doves who sit on it and bully us all day long. And they call them the love birds!
I think the grackles are the bullies around here. Lucky for us they don’t stay all summer. They are sure messy, pooping all over the owners’ cars like that.
In my opinion, the robins are the friendliest. They don’t bother us much. I can’t understand how they can eat worms, though.
I saw a bluebird the other day. Just passing through, I suppose.
I haven’t seen a blue bird since 1986—just kidding!
It sure is warm already for spring. I guess that climate change stuff the humans talk about must be true.
You can’t believe everything the humans say. It’s probably just a fluke. We’ve been around for millions of years. We’re here to stay.
I guess you’re right. It’s supposed to rain tomorrow. The seeds will get all soggy. We better eat them quick.
I like soggy seeds. I can swallow them easier. At my age, it would be great if they gave me cornmeal mush.
Oh no! Here comes that squawky blue jay that strews the seeds all over the place. Just ignore him.
Get out of my way you sparrow squirts. I’ll show you who is boss here. Yeh, go fly into the holly bush where you belong.
(mumbletweettweetmumble in the holly tree).
Whew! Glad he left. That was quick for a change.
He’s just like the squirrel, a big pain in my beak. I wish I could kill that critter.
Now you’re sounding like the humans.
I know what you are going to say: “Don’t peck the hand that feeds you.”


Connie Woodring is a 77-year-old retired therapist (Pa. LCSW) who has been getting back to her true love of writing after 45 years in her real job. She has had many poems published in over 40 journals, including one nominated for the Pushcart Prize. She has a BA in English from Pennsylvania State University. She got great marks from John Barth and Paul West as a student there. She has a MSS from Bryn Mawr Graduate School of Social Work and Social Research.